The S Word

Are you getting any? How much are you getting? These are questions you will hear a lot as a new parent. Sadly we are not talking about THAT ‘S’ word (although I feel like that could be a separate post entirely…). No, I’m talking about SLEEP.

When you become a parent, you, and everyone around you, becomes obsessed with it. Spending time with friends and family invites a whole host of questions.

Is he sleeping through the night? How long does he sleep? Are you still feeding him at night? How often is he waking? What time does he wake up in the morning? What about sleep training? Cry it out or another method?  Does he use a dummy (pacifier)? Can he self settle? How are his naps?

Bound up in these, often well intended, questions are a whole host of judgements about you as a parent, your parenting style, and your child. There is also no shortage of advice; both online and offline, everyone has an opinion.

I’m guilty of it too. If I see a Mum I haven’t seen for a couple of weeks, sleep is usually one of the hot topics we catch up on over our coffee. WhatsApp is full of chat about naps, bedtimes, night feeds and wakings, and most recently how solids can affect sleep.

When I got pregnant, everyone said to me ‘ooohh enjoy the sleep while you can!’ and I just kind of laughed it off. I wasn’t sleeping that well as it was. Endless trips to the bathroom, being kicked by the baby half the night, leg cramps, overheating. I thought I knew what being tired felt like. Boy, was I wrong. I did not know what true tiredness, exhaustion, really felt like until I became a Mum.

I think that’s why we’re all so interested in sleep. How you are sleeping can deeply affect your health, your relationships, your work. We’ve been through ups and downs with little F and his sleep. For a time, the night wakings and the naps on my chest or lap worked. Feeding him or rocking him to sleep worked. Until one day it didn’t. We hit a wall where we both said ‘enough’. We took steps to help our little guy sleep better on his own, and it worked, up to a point. We’ve just started taking some expert advice, and so far the results have been really promising.

I suppose my point is, be gentle with yourself and with others. Try not to judge other families or offer your own sleep advice, unless they ask for it. Every household and every baby is different. For parents, when you hit that wall, there is no shame at all in saying ‘this isn’t working, we need some help’, whatever form that takes.

And so, like the Phoenix…

…I rise from the ashes! Hello again world, it’s good to be back.

My last post on this blog was far too long ago, and a HUGE amount has changed since then, but I’m still living in Singapore, and still loving it.

Since my last post I’ve set up my own business – working freelance for Singapore companies, supporting them with marketing, content creation, copy writing and communications, events and business development. However, this has been somewhat put on hold for the time being because…I had a baby!

I’m now officially Mama to our gorgeous 6 week old boy, F. His birth was a little dramatic, as he arrived at 34.5 weeks, and at some point I’ll share exactly what happened, and what happened before that point with my pregnancy and my journey towards motherhood. But needless to say, we’re absolutely thrilled that he’s here and healthy.

This huge change in my life prompted me to think about the things that I’m passionate about, and that includes writing. I did a fair bit of content writing when I was freelancing, but that changed over the last few months, as I worked with different clients. I missed it, so I thought now might be a good time to flex those writer muscles again, and get back into the written word and resurrect this blog. I’ll still be documenting life in Singapore, but with a rather different focus now, as I attempt to navigate being a Mama living in Singapore.

If there’s anything you’d like to see me write about, please do drop me a line or leave a comment, and stay posted for my next update!

Update time

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything! It’s been a turbulent time over the last few months. I got made redundant from my job, which was a horrible experience, back at the beginning of November. I’ve also had some health issues – a trapped nerve – which has caused me a lot of pain and I’ve been spending time trying to resolve. Plus the usual end of year madness – preparing for and celebrating Christmas and the New Year with the in-laws. And now I find myself already a month into 2015 and trying to find some purpose.

I’ve been filling a lot of my time with trying to get fit. I’ve been doing a load of Pilates, plus my physiotherapist is a bit more like a personal trainer, and has me doing weights and lunges in the gym. I’m also trying to fit in some cardio and swimming as well, so it’s been a busy time. I’ve been making time to catch up with old friends, as well as exploring the island a bit more with my friend Crystal. I’ve also been advising a friend on a new business idea which she’s launching.

Anyway, hopefully I’ll be able to find a bit more time to get back into blogging again and share my latest adventures again.

Now Playing: Riptide

Yes … it’s been rather a long time I know. So much has happened since my last post …. I volunteered, started a new (paid) job and got married! So you’ll have to excuse my online silence – it just became one more thing to remember to do and, trust me on this, planning a wedding fills your head with a million things so it got lost in the madness somewhat. But being married is fabulous so far! I’d recommend it to anyone, hehe!

So, anyway, not masses of time to write something proper right now, so you’ll have to make do with my current song crush. I came across this song from Aussie singer-songwriter Vance Joy whilst playing a Glastonbury 2014 playlist on Spotify and fell in love instantly. Til next time…

Moving apartments

We hit 2 years in Singapore back in November, and our old lease expired not long after in early December (most leases in Singapore seem to be 2 years, although you can negotiate different terms).

I’m not going to do a step-by-step guide to looking for an apartment, as plenty of people have done a much better job of it (like my friend Crystal over at Expat Bostonians). The process is well documented on a number of other expat sites too. All I’d say is make sure you have a clear idea of what you want (size, location and $$$) and don’t be afraid to tell your agent if what they are showing you isn’t working for you.

We were lucky in that we found a good agent pretty early on in the process, after a couple of false starts with some decidedly disinterested agents. Lynn helped us consider new areas that we’d never looked at before, but that actually worked really well for us, both in terms of budget, size of unit and commute for W.

We’ve ended up in a gorgeous new condo just off Old Airport Road and we’re loving the peaceful surroundings and the much more residential vibe. We definitely have a lot more choice of places to eat on the doorstep (or a short walk/bus ride away). Supermarket shopping is a bit more tricky but the local wet market looks promising (I still haven’t made it out early enough to make the most of the best produce!). I’m embracing ordering groceries online now – with sites like RedMart and the online butcher service. Definitely more practical than carting groceries around the island, although I do still hop on the MRT for a quick Cold Storage run!

Back to the drawing board

So, after much silence I decided to start writing in this thing again. The main reason, if I’m honest about it, is that I’m unemployed again so have much more free time to write and explore again.

So what happened with the job? A lot of you know the story but in a nutshell my employer ran out of money. After a year working there and 3 weeks to go before the conference I’d spent all that time organising, I found myself in a meeting with my ex-boss telling me there was no more money and they had to let us (myself and my colleagues) go, as well as cancelling the conference. Needless to say, this was a bit of a bombshell. A month on and there are still a lot of things to be resolved – my tax clearance still hasn’t been done, outstanding salary (of 2 months) is still to be paid.

However, every cloud has a silver lining. In my case, the conference being cancelled meant I could go to one of my best friend’s weddings. In fact, she is maid of honour at my wedding next year. So you can imagine, we were both thrilled! So I’ve spent the past week in a rather mild England, celebrating with some of my best friends. I also got the chance to see my family which I was especially delighted about.

Congratulations again, Mr and Mrs Hayward!

Red – #worldcolours project

Ahh, I am SO behind with my #worldcolours project. Red was supposed to be in February so this is more than a little late – eep! Anyway, here are my reds.

Hairy strawberry looking plant things I spotted during my first Botanic Gardens trip

Poinsettia at Gardens by the Bay

Will & I having a great time at the Olympics

Lion and his beater – Vietnam

Street shrine in Geylang

Chillis at the market

Dragon from last years CNY celebrations

A Singapore must-do: Singapore Slings at Raffles

Hopefully I’ll get around to doing the ‘green’ post in the correct month…

Now Playing: Emmylou

I’ve recently got into First Aid Kit in a big way. This Swedish sister duo have this gorgeous folksy sound that I just can’t get enough of at the moment. They remind me a little bit of Fleet Foxes.

Anyway, I’ve basically had their album The Lion’s Roar on non-stop repeat when I’ve been at work. My favourite track at the moment is Emmylou, which references great American country singers Johnny Cash, June Carter, Graham Parsons, and Emmylou Harris. I love the gentle country and western twang that is in the background of this track. Enjoy!

A big fat Gujarati wedding

In between Christmas in England and New Years in Singapore, Will & I flew to Ahmedabad in India to celebrate our friends wedding. They had already had a ceremony in England, but now it was time for the Indian side! Having never been to an Indian wedding, we were really looking forward to it but without any idea of what to expect.

Before we left Singapore we bought our outfits – a beautiful beaded sari for me and a kurta pajama (complete with matching shoes!) for Will. We picked up the outfits in Little India. Will’s was ready to take home, but I had to have my blouse made to measure. They were super sweet and turned it around really quickly for me (a couple of days) but I’d recommend leaving at least a week. I also got the skirt part of the sari with a lining stitched in and a wrap around hook-and-eye set up, making it really easy for me to put it on myself! Rather than having to have one of the couple’s aunties wrap me up!

Weddings are a massive event in India – the WHOLE family comes out for them and I think there were over 400 guests at this one. Vik’s family are Hindu, so what I’m going to describe is what we experienced – no doubt there are many variations on what happens and rituals that we didn’t get to see, as we weren’t part of the ‘wedding party’.

We started off with the Sangeet. The sangeet party is usually the most elaborate and grand part of the wedding and this one was no exception. We all got on a coach out to a country club about 30 minutes out of central Ahmedabad. The venue was beautifully decorated with huge flower displays and loads of amazingly colourful lighting.

Arriving at the sangeet

There was a huge buffet meal available, with everyone milling around eating and drinking fruit juices and lassi (being a Hindu wedding and Hindu state there was no alcohol available – kind of a relief after the boozy Christmas time we’d just had in England). The food was amazing with lots of different stations offering different vegetable curries, dhal, and roti. We sampled loads of different things – some were absolutely delicious, others blew my mind with the spiciness! We finished up our meal with condensed milk ice creams on sticks (not dissimilar to a Mini Milk…) which were flavoured with cardamom – delicious!

After the meal, we moved to the seating area. By now, the sun had gone down so the weather was actually chilly, so we were grateful for the big gas heaters that were strategically placed! What I didn’t realise was we were now in for 3 or 4hours of Indian dancing and singing! The sangeet was hosted by a famous singer who I think had appeared on Indian Idol (or a similar reality TV show). The best bits were when big groups of the groom’s family appeared on stage to perform set dance routines. The guys amazed me with their dancing – especially when it included some Gangnam style moves!

The guys dancing

It was incredibly energetic to watch. Then the ladies all performed some routines as well – a beautiful mixture of elegant arm movements and swirling skirts.

Ladies dancing at the sangeet

After the formal programme – lots more singing and dancing (!) – we all got up to dance in front of the stage with the whole wedding party. Pretty soon this was one big undulating mass of people moving in time to the music. Quite an amazing spectacle and I felt really English, with my inability to do some of the same moves in the same way as the impossibly elegant Indian ladies!

Dancing at the sangeet – sorry for the slight blurriness, everyone was dancing!

Then people started getting onto the stage and dancing. Aunties pulled Will & I up there to join in. But before too long we were all being asked to leave the stage as they were worried it was going to collapse! I guess several hundred people dancing will do that! So we carried on dancing on the grass, until my poor little feet were too tired to do any more and we joined other guests back on the coach to the hotel.

The bride – Catherine – in the midst of all the dancing

The next day, we slept in late, before having a short walk up the road from the hotel, in search of an ATM and water. We didn’t have much luck on either front but we did get to see lots of market stalls, motorbike repair shops and kids playing cricket. Back at the hotel we donned our Indian outfits (we’d worn more ‘Western’ outfits to the sangeet so we could dance more easily) and got into a tuk-tuk to take us to the wedding venue. Speeding through the Ahmedabad streets with my sari on, I felt impossibly glamorous!

In all our Indian finery

We arrived at the wedding venue and met up with some of the other guests. As we were waiting, the bride arrived. She had to wait with her family whilst we all took part in the groom’s procession.

Catherine arrives at the wedding venue

There was a band lounging around in the shade who seemed pleased to see us and kept waving over! The guys got taken off to have turbans made for them. After that we had time for a few quick photos before exciting news that an elephant had arrived! We’d been hearing rumours about this, but it was still unexpected. We all trundled out into the street to find a big group of family waiting and there was indeed an elephant!

The arrival of the elephant

Vik, the groom, soon arrived in a car covered in flowers. The band started playing – lots of trumpets and drums – creating an infectious beat. It was time for Vik to climb aboard the elephant.

Vik getting ready to climb onto the elephant

All aboard!

Will kept commenting that it reminded him of something out of Aladdin – the bit where Aladdin arrives amidst great ceremony to meet Princess Jasmine! I think it was the little parasol…

The procession of the groom is known as the baraat. The music was going and soon everyone was walking in front of the elephant, leading him towards the wedding venue and his bride. Every now and then the band would stop walking, and this was an opportunity for the processional to dance and give the band money to continue. We would only walk a few metres before stopping again and dancing some more!

Dancing in the baraat

The groom’s mother in beautiful orange

There seemed to be some set dances that went on as well as lots of clapping. It was a great opportunity to learn some dance moves, and to admire the wedding outfits of the guests. Everyone was wearing rich, vivid colours and the women looked beautiful in their heavily beaded and embroidered saris.

Eventually we arrived at the wedding venue (it probably took us 45 minutes to cover about 100 yards!). Here there was more dancing – this time with lots of scarves being swirled around. Then the groom got down off the elephant and was taken to meet the bride and her family. I couldn’t see a lot of this – we were towards the back and there were loads of people. Apparently, the bride’s mother has to keep pinching the nose of the groom to put him off taking her daughter away. The bride then has to ‘catch’ the groom by putting a garland of flowers around his neck. This is greeted with lots of cheering and clapping from the wedding guests. We then filed into the wedding venue.

We were all seated around a big raised area in the centre, where the ceremony would be performed. At this point, I found the divide between Indian and Christian weddings greatest. Usually, the actual ‘marriage’ is very solemn and everyone pays attention at every wedding I’ve been to. At an Indian wedding, it is a lengthy process, heavy with ritual and tradition. It goes on a long time, so everyone wanders around, chats, and eats! Waiters kept bringing us drinks and snacks to keep us going! I found out later that the bride and groom aren’t allowed to eat anything until the wedding is over!

The groom arrives first and there seemed to be a long blessing and prayers. Then the bride arrived, accompanied by all her female family members, who tightly surround her, carrying candles. There is also a sheet carried over her head, so you can hardly see her.

The bridal procession

A brief glimpse of Catherine!

I didn’t know what was happening most of the time after that but there is a really good guide to Indian weddings here. I know there was a fire, and they had their feet touched a lot. They also seemed to be given a lot of gifts.

Finally married!

After the ceremony is over, all the guests lined up to have their photo taken with the bride and groom. This went on for AGES! Apparently the line is formed by family hierarchy – with immediate family going first, aunts, uncles and cousins next, then more further removed family, and finally friends. After this, the bride and groom are finally allowed to eat! We expected more dancing, but there wasn’t any – apparently the sangeet is where the big ‘party’ takes place. The bride and groom then went off for further blessings and rituals at the family home.

The next day, Vik’s cousin got married so we were all invited along for that. It was a completely different wedding – the groom arrived on a horse and everything was done outside. It was nice as we got to spend time Vik & Catherine, rather than mostly watching them!

Will & I with Vik & Catherine

It was a fantastic experience – one I’ll never forget. It was wonderful to be back in India, celebrating such a happy occasion and getting an insight into a huge part of Indian culture. Thanks so much for inviting us you guys – we had a blast!

Candles and petals outside the wedding venue

As usual, there are more photos over on Flickr.

New feature: White – #worldcolours project

In a project inspired by fellow blogger Naomi, I’ve joined the #worldcolours project. (See here for more details)

To quote from Naomi’s blog:

“It’s a joint effort between bloggers all over  to collate our photos that all have ONE thing in common.  COLOR! During the end of each month, we’ll be sharing our version of imagery based on a color calendar … starting with WHITE. ”

So, here’s my first world colours post – welcome to my world of white!

Gin cocktail in a smoking teapot – my work leaving drinks before I came to Singapore

One of the elephants on display when we first arrived

Old tiles, Vietnam

Selling nuts in Mumbai

The stunning Taj Mahal – I fell in love with it all over again the second time around

Bougainvillea blooms in a Javanese flower market

Figure in Thailand

The war memorial at Woodlands (also where I saw the Royals on their Singapore visit)

Making dumplings in Taipei

The bride at our first Indian wedding in December

I really enjoyed putting this post together – it was great to look back over some of my photos and revisit all the memories I have associated with them. Looking forward to next months colour!